6 Methods for Emotionally Detaching From Money
If you want to do anything other than breathe, you pretty much need money.
It’s such an important part of our life because it really is the medium for most anything we need or want. Trading money for value is so commonplace that when you think of currency, many of us don’t think of anything other than money. But really, currency is anything that can be used to trade one value for something else of value. Often times though, when we think about having to trade money for something, there is an emotional attachment to it. Paying debt, kids braces, vacation, a new car, buying groceries…
However, money is fundamentally neutral. Just like a screwdriver or a spatula for flipping eggs, money is merely a tool to be used to leverage the life we want. When used optimally, it can lead us to circumstances like freedom, peace of mind, and a simpler life. When mismanaged, it can create circumstances around anxiety, fear and a feeling of constraint.
Do you remember your mom having to choose between paying the water bill or groceries? Do you find yourself overly excited when you come into a windfall just to be equally as stressed when it’s suddenly gone? When you hear someone talk about money, do you become resentful? Are you jealous? Do you feel inadequate? These events and thoughts form our thoughts and feelings about money, but it doesn’t make them a fact.
You have complete power to choose how you think and feel about money. Here are a few methods to help you to emotionally detach:
AWARENESS OF WHAT HAS CREATED YOUR MONEY MINDSET
Getting to the root of the issue is fundamental in changing your mindset with money. Often times, we have to dig into our childhood, or a toxic relationship to really grasp why we feel the way we do about money. This is hard, and I really recommend a coach or therapist for this because they really help facilitate the conversation to dig up these thoughts about money. It’s scary at first, but the empowerment from it will literally change your mind, your money and your life. You may just need an outside perspective to help you dive deep or you may need someone specially qualified to deal with trauma so that you can dig up these thoughts and throw them away for good.
MONEY IS A THING, NOT A CIRCUMSTANCE
The emotional connection we often experience with money is due to the circumstances around it, not the money itself. Remember, it’s just a tool. Do you have memories of your parents having to choose between paying the water or buying groceries for the week? Or as a child, being told you were selfish for buying something for yourself? Or being told by someone how to use money but they didn’t practice what they preached? Those are all circumstances involving money, but note that money is not the root of the issue - it’s the energy, the attitude, the choices of the person that influenced these thoughts, but money in itself is not the problem.
ESTABLISH YOUR WHY
Knowing your ‘why’ is the purpose behind your actions. Who finds purpose in doing anything for no reason? I’ll answer for you - no one. We all have a purpose, and we’re all trying to figure it out if we haven’t already. And sometimes what once was your ‘why’ may change. Establish your why for what you want and I promise, it makes emotionally detaching from money simpler and you regain control over it. It shifts the burden of you working for money, to making your money work to fulfill your ‘why’.
MAKE GOALS FOR YOUR MONEY
One concept that was monumental for my husband and I was to create a goal for each of our giving, saving’s, and spending goals. For example, we have a separate savings account for vacation, Christmas, buying a new car, the common retirement account, and our freedom fund (AKA emergency fund) when when sh*t hits the fan and you need an umbrella.
Yes, it sounds like a lot of accounts, but this was simply a method that works well for us. Determine your own goals and establish your own method.
INTENTIONAL THINKING TO CREATE NEW THOUGHTS
I really recommend Craig Groeschel’s book ‘Winning the War in Your Mind’ because he does a great job explaining how our brains work when we have thoughts. Effectively, we quite literally create ‘ruts’ in our mind when we have thoughts, which are largely established in childhood and major life experiences - good and bad. Overall, you can’t just stop thinking a certain way, you have to work to replace the thought with a new one.
PAY OFF DEBT
This may sound like a given, but debt literally takes up real estate in our mind, even if you haven’t really considered it until now. It can be lurking in the background or drowning you in the ocean - either way, it is wasted space in your mind and life. Make a plan, pay it off.
I would not recommend any of these to you if they didn’t work for me and my clients. Thought comes before any action, any emotion - emotions are simply a reaction to a thought. How you think about money determines the actions you take with it. If you’re used to seeing people fight about money, your thoughts are telling you it’s bad, and you might lack money. If you’re caught up in a scarcity mentality, you might be so stingy with money that you can’t really enjoy life because your so scared to lose it.
Imagine what your life would look like 1 year from now if you had a different money mindset. Would you be able to save more money? Would you be a more compassionate giver? Would your marriage be better? What would you teach your kids?
Thoughts about money result in all kinds of emotions that result in different actions that can ultimately result in us not loving the life we live. If you find that emotions are on a rollercoaster when it comes to money, it’s important find the root cause of those feelings and work to disconnect it.
If you're ready to get serious about getting a grip on your mind and your money, reach out to me now.